Imperfectly Perfect: Loving Your Imperfections
Tuesday, May 29, 2012 at 10:59AM By Kaitlin Herlihy
I have a plantar’s wart on the bottom of my foot. Yes, eeegaaads! I’m not perfect. I think it’s an appropriate metaphor for coming to terms with a scary realization- that most of us spend our life either being ruled by or running from this fact: we are NOT perfect.
Why is that fact so hard to accept and, even more importantly, why can’t we learn to love ourselves and accept our faults in a gracious manner? We are oftentimes much less harsh on strangers and friends than we are on ourselves. And, as the saying goes: “if we do not love ourselves, how can anyone else love us?”
For a long, long time, I was really ashamed of my imperfections. But, I am slowly trying to learn to approve of myself and even to love myself. This is not easy. Why is it so hard? I think we have to keep working through our critical nature and continue to chip away at our negative self-talk. As Rumi said (and you all know I LOVE Rumi!), “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” So true.
What are your warts: Is it your weight? Your temper? Your lack of self control? Figure them out, begin to realize what they really stand for, and try to come to terms with them.
As it relates to Paleo, I think falling off the proverbial Paleo wagon is a good example of imperfection. Being on the Paleo diet is trying. I fall off the wagon- sometimes more than I would like to admit. But we cannot dwell or wallow in misery and/or self-abuse if we eat some French fries or Dove chocolate. I had an Ahah! moment as I snacked recently on a Dove bite. I felt guilty as I opened the wrapper and was full of self-disappointment, but inside was this hidden message- it made me sigh in relief AND smile:
So, if you find yourself reciting negative self-talk in your head- BAN IT! Recognize this is happening- I’m not recommending to live in a world of denial or inauthenticity, but don’t dwell on it. Move on. Get out and be active or find a mantra to combat it, such as “I approve of myself” or something less self-helpy if you prefer. I’ll close with some quotes from a Laird Hamilton book I am reading- it ROCKS!
“MAKE SURE YOUR WORST ENEMY DOESN’T LIVE BETWEEN YOUR OWN TWO EARS." We’re all human; it’s all about that voice inside our head that we call our mind- what it leads us to believe determines how we act and how our lives unfold. Which is why when I catch myself thinking bleak thoughts, I’ll go out and do something physically strenuous, like clear brush or move rocks or paddle down the coast. I believe that our thoughts have real, powerful effects on us….Everything comes down to attitude: YOU determine what yours is, and the external world will reflect it back. Whether that’s good news or bad news depends on you- on your outlook. If you think you’re not able to do something, guess what? You’re right. What if you believe that everything’s for the best and see the beauty all around you, and you have faith that things will be good? You’re right, too. If you cultivate something in your mind, you give it life. It’s really that simple….Negativity is going to crop up in your mind. I think that’s an unfortunate part of being human. It’s as sure as daytime, nighttime. The question is: how much life do you give it? How dominant do you let it get? You have to make sure that the positive has more power and gets more time in your head than the negative. If you let that negative side take charge, you’re going to find yourself in a hole. I can be as negative as anyone, but when it comes to what I’m doing in sports, that stuff is out. For instance, if I’m surfing and I start thinking about wiping out, that is getting pushed out of my brain. I’m consciously removing that thought; that’s not something I’m giving any kind of life to. Mental discipline is key- and when it comes down to it, negativity is the easy way out. Quitting: easy. Daring to triumph: hard….If you’re plagued by negative thoughts, here’s a simple cure: DO something. If you think about it, negative thoughts are a luxury. They’re a way to avoid getting down to work. We are each our own greatest inhibitors. We stop ourselves. The irony is that if you just get out of your own way, you’ll do really well.”
So….ease up, relax, enjoy life, think positive thoughts, be kind to yourself, learn to work through your negative self-talk, and start to approve of who you are- even the not so perfect parts too.
To be imperfect is to be human- embrace it! And maybe that is all of our life’s purpose: to accept that we are imperfect and to keep inspiring each other to become better.
